It Was Not Meant To Be...part 4

PART I

PART II

PART III

3rd Year HS - Sariling Mundo

It was something that was bound to happen eventually. Pagpasok namin sa Junior year...Ali was not Ali anymore.

Alam mo yung feeling na...you suddenly see someone like you've never seen them before?

For one, he was way taller than I remembered. And his voice... it sounded deeper. For the 1st time...yung concepts sa science textbook about adolescense took a different meaning... it happens pala talaga.

In a way, our Junior year emphasized that we were already approaching the dreaded moments...Graduation and College. Things were getting complicated. Our batch mates were not just having crushes...the boys were making ligaw and the girls were giving their matamis na oo already. I also realized that it was not just Vida and Ali anymore. It was Vida and Ali...and the whole world between us.

For me, I felt like everything was changing in a speed that I'm having a hard time keeping up with. Ali was not there all the time anymore. He became a member of the CAT. Suddenly, hindi na ako yung busy...siya na... and to top it all... they already moved out of the neighborhood. I remembered being depressed about that. But even back then... mabilis na talaga magdevelop ang defense mechanism ko over something that makes me sad. I decided that since he has found a whole new barkada...I'd be looking for my own din.

Nung 3rd year ko talagang nakilala at naging ka-close sina Jerry, Lea, Jam, and Candice...pati na rin sina Agnes at Daryll. We called our group, the W5A. Anong ibig sabihin? Wahehhhe...kinda corny...pero it meant Witches 5 Association. Nyaahahaha. Yeah...I know... we were so into anime and fantasies. Ewan ko... siguro isa siyang unconsious struggle to not grow up yet.

Tapos I became more active sa Archery Club. Tapos, 90% of my gimmicks were spent with the W5A. Tapos boys started catching my attention. And I noticed that I was also catching theirs. I guess this was when I started to master the art of "charming my way out" technique. Ahihihi.

Tapos ang dami dami pang activities... archery, yung school paper (errr...contributor lang...pero not an active member), mga school competition, projects, assignments, pocketbooks, sleep overs - slumber party, overnight para sa project (na kasama yung crush mo...pero di niya alam na crush ko siya), at ang dami dami pa.

In a way...I did miss Ali. I missed him more than I cared to admit. But at the same time... I was also having the time of my life.

Pero isang araw... I think I was about to go to the comfort room. Malapit na ang Cheering Competition noon. Nagsisimula na yung mga practice... pero di pa kami nagfo-formation sa Athletic Bowl. So pababa na ako sa hagdan nang biglang magkasalubong kami ni Ali.

It was the first time that I saw him wearing his fatigue uniform. Ewan ko ba... parang biglang naging void yung hagdan na kinatatayuan ko. I felt weightless. I was breathing too fast...or maybe I forgot to breath?

Ali: Oist! San ka?

Blogger: Er...CR.

He was standing infront of me then... and for the 1st time, I realized how tall he was.

Blogger: Ang tangkad mo na.

Ali: At ikaw naman, di ka na lumaki.

And then he smiled.

Buzzzzz. Buzzzz. Buzzzz.

The buzzing sound... it lasted for like 3 minutes. The whole time that we were talking. I was not hearing what he was saying no more. I was not sure if I was answering his queries properly. But judging by his laugh, I was still coherent... pero yun yung weird doon. Feeling ko dalawa naging ako... yung isa, yung bestfriend niya. Yung isa... someone falling ... for him.

Bwahahahaha. Packsyet!

Hoy Ali, pag nabasa mo ito...don't you dare laugh at me.

After nung faithful moment na yun...hay lord... the roller coaster ride started. It was not easy being with him or without him. Noong Cheering Practice... I had to exert an extra effort to make sure that he does not notice that I enjoyed seating next to him again. Simula pa kasi nung Freshmen year, basta Cheering na...kami yung magkatabi sa formation. Magalit na yung cheerleader at lahat... basta kami dapat yung magkatabi.

3 months before the end of our Junior Year... I could not deny it anymore. I was inlove with my damned bestfriend.

Kung Saan Ka Masaya, Suportahan Kita

After ng aking epiphany about my feelings for Ali, hayzzz... naging isang emotional battleground ang bawat paggising ko sa umaga.
Unti-unti ko ring naramdaman na yung security ng friendship ni Ali eh nawawala na. I realized na just like me...he also has his own circle of friends. Hayzz...tama sila, bilog nga ang mundo...kasi, I then realized that I am the odd man out. Pag nagsama-sama na sina Ali, Lelay, Ara at JL... pumapasok sila sa isang mundo na hindi ko mapasok.

Personally, it did not really matter that Ali had some other close friends. What bothered me the most was that he could not seem to confide in me anymore. Parang lagi na siyang naiilang sa akin. God...grabeh... it seemed liked I could literally hear my heart breaking back then... everytime I try to reach out..to somehow restore the closeness that we once had... and to just watch him drift father away.

The last straw was me learning that he was in love with his commanding officer in C.A.T. Nyahahha...juice koh! Feeling ko talaga nakalunok ako ng isang baso ng thumbtacks!
I still remember pausing... like I wanted to make sure that my heart was still beating. Or kung buo pa siya... kasi feeling ko lang eh parang may mga pieces nito na nagsilaglaggan sa lupa.

Lelay just showed me a picture of Ali's so called "heaven". She was really pretty. Feeling ko, isa akong langaw kumpara sa isang magandang paru-paro.
Damned! I just realized na best actress na ako noon pa. Coz I was hyperventilating inside, panicking, crying... but outside, I was smiling. I even cheered Ali on... even suggested that I can be a bridge to his flighty butterfly.
Blogger: Ang ganda niya... ano pang pumipigil sayo para ligawan siya?
Lelay: Torpe nga yan eh.
Ali: Officer ko siya... bawal yun sa C.A.T.
Blogger: Tang'na... buti naman.
Ali: Huh? May sinabi ka?
Blogger: What? Wala noh... I just said to hell with the rules. It's as if naman nasa totoong army kayo.
Lelay: Isa pa... nanliligaw din ang isang officer dun sa girl.
Blogger: Punyeta. So crush ng bayan pa pala siya? Crap. Tapos Senior pa siya. Why can't she just get her claws on her own kind and not look at Ali anymore?
Ali: Ano bang binubulong-bulong mo jan?
Blogger: Wala tol... ang sa akin lang...kung talagang mahal mo... go for it. (sabay walk out... the goddamned acting was taking it's toll... my eyes could not hold the tears much longer anymore).


PART V