It Was Not Meant To Be...huling kabanata

Paano na kaya - Bugoy

PART I

PART II

PART III

PART IV

PART V

Ang Pag-amin
This is my favorite part of the story.. pano ba naman kasi... sabi nila ... ang best time of your life daw eh High School... people were right. Coz all kakornihans happen during this time. Wakekekekek.

So, where was I? Ah... oo.. ang pangalawang sulat. Heto, walang edit dito.. as in eto yung mga exact words. Kinailangan ko pang halungkatin ang karton na halos may 8 years worth of dust...

Nov 21, 2000
8:20 P.M.

Vida,

Siguro by the time na mabasa mo 'tong letter, nasa Twin peaks na ako, o kaya nasa school pa rin. Pero one thing for sure, ayoko ng concept ng letter na 'to pero itutloy ko pa rin...

Siguro nga tama ka - we're too close for comfort, sobra na ang pagiging close natin (noon). Siguro yun rin ang reason kung bakit nagkakaganito ako.

Alam mo, sorry talaga pero, each day na nakikita kita, I'm falling in love with you and I can't stop it...(corny).

Can you blame me? Tao lang naman ako diba? Kahit paano alam ko ring main-love... pero bakit sa'yo pa? Bakit sa bestfriend ko pa?

Sorry talaga - hindi ko ine-expect na ma-i-in love ako sayo.

.........

I'm not expecting you to love me in return. I'm just going to wait until this fades away.

My reaction? Well.. I cried. Tsk. Uu... isa akong cry baby. I cried coz I felt like I've waited for so long to hear those words from him. And when he finally did... well.. hayun na nga.

Blogger: Oh my god...
Lelay: Bakit daw? Ano sabi sa sulat?
Blogger: Oh my god.. (sabay iyak... habang tumatawa...)
Lelay: Ano ka ba... para ka namang baliw eh...

Para talaga akong baliw... binasa ko kasi yung sulat sa may aparador ng walis at lampaso. Hayzzz. Can you just imagine? Umiiyak ako katabi ng mga walis... at nakaupo naman ako sa lampaso. LORD!

Lelay: (pagkatapos basahin ang sulat...) Aba.. sa wakas, umamin din ang kaibigan mong torpe.
Blogger: Pero ba't sabi niya he did not want it to happen?
Lelay: Sus! Eh alam mo naman kung gaano kataas ang pride nun! Kaya nga halus magtumbling siya nung nanliligaw yung mga officers sayo eh. Nasa denial stage pa siya nun... pero baliw na yun sayo dati pa.
Blogger: Ha? So yun yung packsyet na dahilan? He was already in love with me during that time? Bakit di nalang niya sinabi? Bakit may pa: "I don't want to be your friend... I don't want to be your friend" pa siya?
Lelay: Well.. ganun talaga. Gagu rin yun eh.
Blogger: Oh my god (LORD! Lumuluha parin ako... OMG. Parang kamatis pa man din ang ilong ko pag umiiyak ako)
Lelay: Ano na gagawin mo ngayun?
Blogger: Aamin na rin ba ako?
Lelay: Hindi ba dapat lang? Para naman lumiwa-liwanag ang pagkatao ni Ali. Ilang linggo na ring sobrang moody nun eh... nakakasawa na.

Umamin din ba ako? Ahahaha. Naman!

Nasa CAT office nun si Ali eh.. bumaba pa ako dun...

Blogger: Packsyet ka! Anong ibig sabihin ng sulat na toh?
Ali: Medic, you're in the office. What you're doing is insubordination.
Blogger: I don't give a damn! I want to know if what you wrote here is true.
Ali: (sulyap sa likod... nakatingin ang ibang officers) This is not the venue for this.
Blogger: (iiral ang katigasan ng ulo) Totoo ba nakasulat dito?
Ali: Eh kung hindi ka ba naman reyna ng dense! Malamang totoo yan diba?
Blogger: Eh bakit ngayun lang?
Ali: (taas ng kilay) It's better to be late than sorry.
Blogger: (hayzzz) Akala ko ba eh in love kay kay Jen (Heaven)?
Ali: I lied.
Blogger: How do I know you're not lying this time?
Ali: (ipinikit ang mata ng panandalian... parang humihingi ng pasensiya mula sa Diyos na Lumikha) What I did... what I just admitted.. may cost me your friendship... I cannot, will not lie about something like this.
Blogger: Well... it's just bloody time you admit it. Coz... I've been head over heels for you since Junior Year.
CO: (pumapalakpak) Salamat sa magandang palabas. Nakakakilig sana... pero istorbo kayo dito sa opis. At dahil jan, Haboc... 20 push-ups, now! Hernandez, give me 50!

Nyahahhhahaa. Syempre... mejo edited muli ang version na yan.

Pero all in all... ang daming feelings na biglang nagsurface...
Relief - kasi he felt the same way pala.
Happiness - coz finally, I thought we'd be together.
Worry - naisip ko... hindi ko pala siya pwedeng maging boyfriend. My mom and dad would die of heart attack (uber strict kasi sila noon).
Dread - malapit na ang graduation noon ... feeling ko.. we were just beginning to realize how deep the feelings were... and College might end it all.


College did end it all.


THE END
It was a relationship that could have been but there never was. Ewan ko ba... when the cards were all on the table already... parang hindi na kontrolado yung mga events.
Hindi kami naging kami. We agreed na wag na muna... not after college. Besides, Ali knows how strict my Mom was. He did not want to mess with my parents.

We started walking home together more often... and holding each other's hand had a kilig effect already... pero ang problema... parang masyado nang maraming bagay sa pagitan.

There were too many questions unanswered. Ang daming issues na hindi namin mapag-usapan kasi parang walang time tapos walang privacy.
Tapos isa pa... I felt like he was bloody afraid to be alone with me. Ish. As if naman gagahasain ko siya??? Halllerrrr???!!!

I felt like we were always looking at each other pero may glass wall between us. Laging so near... yet so far...

So hayun na nga... antayan, plus pride, plus a lot of friends, plus tampuhan almost all the time, plus summer without seeing each other, plus college na magkaiba kami ng course.... equals wala na.
We were just kids...trying to make adult decisions... ang problema, the decisions resulted to closing the romantic chapter and just keeping it to just plain friendship.

How it ended?
Well.. I think I finally got tired of always waiting for him...
I mean, it was College Years already. Unlike nung High School, na atleast may familiar face akong nakikita. Pero this time... wala na. Everyone was a stranger.

I took up BSIT course, during our freshman year, our batch composed of 21 sections. Akalain mo yun? Tapos, Ali was taking up a Human Sci course, he was in the same building as I was. Nasa Perfecto kami nun... yun nga lang... mostly 4th floor siya, ako naman 6th floor. Hayzzz... so near yet so far na naman ang eksena. Tapos mega-antay pa ako na sunduin niya ako... or ihatid.. or sabayan sa lunch... pero wala eh... alangang ako yung maggagagawa nun eh ako yung girlalu... halerrrr!
For 1 whole sem... parang feeling ko.. wala na akong ginawa kundi mag-antay. Everytime na lalabas ako sa classroom para lumipat sa next class, I was always half expecting him to be there. For a young heart that was so in love... the waiting was too much... until it finally ended the fantasy of having a happy ever after with him.

Nung nanligaw si Kel (ex-boyfriend from college) ... I could not help but compare. Kel was so sure of himself... na parang nothing would stop him. And he was never afraid to tell me what he was feeling. Andun siya palagi... parang he would not allow anyone to keep us apart.
And so hayun na nga... one day.. ako naman ang nagbigay ng letter kay Ali:

I'm sorry... I know we promised to wait for each other until we're 21.
Maybe all this was really never meant to be...

The letter was not that simple though. Mejo ranting letter din siya. Sinabi ko sa kanya na parang I felt like he was always so hard to reach. Na parang laging ang layo layo niya. Parang KPI na pag naabot mo na... may "Wait, there's more" pa pala.

I know my version about what happened during college is probably one sided. And it may be unfair to Ali. Pero... pag may blog na rin siya at gumawa siya ng version niya... sabihan ko kayo.. ahihihi.

One time, nakapag-usap kami ni Lelay.. she told me that Ali felt like di siya makasingit sa circle of friends ko nung College. During that time, I was like:

Blogger: Hano!!?? Anong di makasingit? What kind of rason is that?

Pero thinking back... maybe it was the truth. Maybe he thought that since I had new friends, I had no room for him any longer.

In the end... as much as I wished na sana.. iba ang ending... I would not ask Lady Destiny to change the events between the hands of time. Kasi kung sakali... baka di ito nangyari:

August 2006 - sa Shooters.. 1 week old palang yung relationship namin ni Glen.


September 2006 - sa Padi's. Bar hopping kami nung day na toh. He would always make a way to make our day-offs the same ...


March 2007 - sa Vigan, Ilocos Sur. Gusto niyang ipakita sa akin ang wonders ng Vigan. Galing na kasi siya dito.


Dec 2007 - Covelandia, Pangasinan. We went there together with his family. Saya dito!


Feb 2008 - Manila. This was in some nice hotel. Sabi niya he'd treat me to some vacation sa Manila... yun pala ay awarding niya... he was the Top Coach for RCN ng year 2007. Congrats baby!


April 2008 - Alaminos, Pangasinan. Kararating namin nung day na ito. We were at the Pantalan. Naghahanap kami ng pagkakainan actually.


April 2008. Quezon Island, Pangasinan. Heto na nung nakapunta na kami sa isa sa mga malalaking isla sa 100 Islands ng Pangasinan. Astig dito!!!

Siguro noon.. parang kulang nalang.. hamunin ko ng suntukan si Lady Destiny dahil sa pakekealam niya. Pero ngayun... I can't thank her enough. Naisip ko kasi na if she did not intervene everynow and then during the past... I would not be enjoying my present... and my future would be totally different.

-fin-